Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
