The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
