She's JV to your varsity
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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