At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
