Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
