He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
