Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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