I want to stick my p in your. b.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
