good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
