Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
