I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
