OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
