remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
