a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
