There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm always down for nudity.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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