ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
