Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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