Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
