but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
