i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
