I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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