i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
