I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
