So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
