ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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