if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
