I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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