There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
