I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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