So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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