She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
