So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
