found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We just shotgunned beers for America
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
