Im at strip club and am horny
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
