i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
