Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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