nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize