I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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