he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
