standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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