I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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