I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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