So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
