new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
