I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
