everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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