Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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