Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
