They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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