I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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