it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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