her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
