i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
