Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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