I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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