I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
