sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
