i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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