do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
