stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
