They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude i'm inner monologue high
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
