Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize