When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
