ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
