is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
