I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
