I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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