id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize