just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
