Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
