I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
