She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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