Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
